Sunday, September 04, 2005

the FOUNDATION for LAW AND WAR

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Today the Vice President announced a new private citizen initiative to be financed by federal funds, the FOUNDATION for LAW AND WAR. “We have found that anti-terrorism actions on just the public level are not sufficiently encompassing. While the Patriot Act allows us to effectively watch everyone all the time, we lack the resources to review all material properly.”


Outlining the lack of overwhelming success the Vice Pres related “All of our arrests under the Patriot Act so far are for minor terrorism events, like jaywalking. We have however been able to require long jail sentences for jaywalkers due to the act , thus protecting all of our liberties.”


Detailing the obvious lack of statistically significant results the V.P. Pointed out that while we lead the world in the percentage of our population in prison, there are still more law breakers out there. “Less than half the people vote in most elections, the others are obviously scofflaws that threaten our cherished freedoms. These and other terrorists must be stopped.”


The Veep went on to detail the new program for the FOUNDATION for LAW AND WAR. “If we are to have perpetual peace we must commit to an eternal battle. We have done extensive analyzes and found all previous models of control were insufficiently rigorous. We are quite sure the Soviet model failed for this reason, and the government fell to 'peaceful demonstration terrorists' because the KGB did not sufficiently limit operational variance available to non-government units. The USSR even allowed travel, if your papers were in order and you received prior permission.”


“We are aware that lawful citizens are unequipped to protect themselves while waiting for authorities to arrive, it must be so if lawful people are to be kept from the temptation of self defense. We are aware unlawful people by definition will break laws. With the extra analysis of recording review by citizens that have been volunteered by their neighbors; we will probably catch more of the unlawful after their acts are completed and we arrive to investigate. We are sure we will be able to catch more of the (formerly) lawful that tried to defend themselves rather than wait for us to review the crime scene. This will be the power of the FOUNDATION for LAW AND WAR (FLAW).”


“Your local government, working with the encompassing Federal FLAW, will achieve close to absolute safety for our citizens, through incarceration.”


The Vice Presidential address was greeted with thunderous applause by the selected and assembled news reporters.


Dateline: Tungenchiek D.C., the day after the next terrorist attack


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